Lost Tales

Here is a collection of smaller stories from my time here.

Umbrella:
[This entry would fit between बाजार  and   माह १.]
Sometime back in Monsoon season I lost my umbrella from the States.  This was bad, for example, because every single time I went to yoga there was a downpour.  I decided this was a good opportunity to go downtown and figure out a little more about shopping.  Now during monsoon season the internet weather reports are basically useless because they always predicts constant rain.   At one point when the sky seemed sunny I brought some cash and headed over to the public busstop.  As I stood there waiting the sky swiftly darkened and, of course, it started pouring down rain.

The crowd waiting with me reacted like parents at a waterpark, annoyed but almost thrilled at being soaked.  Defenseless against the rain, I disembarked at the Colaba Causeway. Somehow I had difficulty finding an umbrella, and was getting more and more drenched, even though I could stay under roofs much of the time.  I decided to head towards the "Gateway of India" thinking there would be a hotel area with lots of nice stores and everything I could want.

When I got there I found lots of eager salesmen.  I decided to throw myself at their mercy.  One of them invited me to look at his store.  I asked if I could get an umbrella there, and he said, sure, sure, anything I want.  He then proceed to show off several rooms full of fancy rugs and antiques to a dripping wet Steven Spallone.  There weren't any umbrellas, so I didn't buy anything.  Another salesman approached me.  I told him I wanted an umbrella.  This young fellow took me under his arm, literally, to the plaza near the Gateway, chatting me up.  He knew most of the vendors there, and he asked them all if they had a छाता, which means "umbrella".  At one point a man tried to sell me a pink Dora the Explorer छाता.  I declined.  Eventually, though, we found a suitable छाता and all was well.

He asked if I wanted anything else and I suggested a raincoat.  That may have been a mistake.   He hustled me over to one of his older colleagues, who insisted that I take a taxi with him to get that raincoat.  Being adventurous, I let them push me along.  As we left, the younger one said, "Take care of him he is my friend."   The taxi drove into the Colaba market which I described earlier, bullying its way through the crowd.  When we got out I had to pay २० Rs. for the taxi.  We found a store which sold raincoats.  There was a nice one for ८०० Rs.  I suggested ५०० Rs and wound up paying ६५० Rs.  Afterwards my older friend demanded १०० Rs for his help.  I was annoyed and gave him ३० Rs. instead and left.  In hindsight, I have some remorse about not giving him more, but it annoyed me that we didn't settle things beforehand and that they had pressured me along the way.  १०० Rs. is kind of a lot by Indian standards, but not so much ($2) by American standards.  Which should I have used?  To wrap up this story, I got back safely and stashed the raincoat in my desk; I still haven't used it...

Holidays:
There are lots of holidays here.  I went out with the expatriate couple to capture two more holiday scenes on video.

My first video is of Dussehra, a celebration of the slaying of a demon-king by the epic hero Lord Rama.  The three of us wandered around downtown hoping to see big statues of the demon Ravana and maybe some theatre.  We didn't quite find that, but instead randomly found this delightful little scene:

And then there was Diwali, a celebration of Lord Rama's triumphant return to his homeland.  You've probably heard of this.  Now, when I was a child, I was told many times and throughout all sorts of media a very important message:  Don't Play With Fire!  This is such an important message that once a lovable pyromaniac from an adult-oriented cartoon in the U.S. had his catchphrase "Fire! Fire!" censored away.   Here in Mumbai, a long line of families gathered along Marine Drive and watched their children dance around fireworks for Diwali.  There is a long line of traffic as well, which occasionally gets hit by the fireworks.  Take a look; can you see the fear in my friends' eyes?

                                           

A traditional use of fireworks is to ward off evil spirits.  That must have been us; after I quickly shot those videos, we quickly took off in a cab.  I went back to my apartment, which you recall has a nice view, and took this next (narrated) video.

I would say that I definitely prefer the fun outdoor Dussehra scene to the scary dangerous Diwali scene.  Of course for grownups I understand that Diwali is more about visiting your family than simulating bombs.

Laundry:

Some of you (my mom) have asked about what doing laundry is like on this side of the hemisphere.  Well it's pretty much what you might expect.  I bring my laundry in a large bucket to a big machine on the 4th floor of my apartment building.  I put detergent and laundry into this machine and then return in half an hour to gather it up.  I hang up the laundry mostly on a clothesline outside my bedroom window.  It is best to dry them outside because otherwise my apartment gets humid and books get damaged.  Birds also hang out on that clothesline, which means I sometimes have to wash certain garments twice.  So that's the system when it works.

Once when the 4th floor machine was occupied, I tried the 3rd floor machine.  This was a mistake; here is what happens when you use it.  The machine will report that everything is going fine.  After a few minutes you will return to your room and watch TV or something.  When you return it will not be working, claiming an unbalanced load.  You fix the load, turn it back on and repeat.  This will happen for the rest of the night.  The timer will reset everytime you fix the unbalanced load.  Eventually in the dead of night you realize you are completely wasting your time.  You give up, remove your soggy clothes and hang them up dripping wet in your apartment.  Actually this has been a metaphor for bureaucracy in India, leading us to...

Occupy the Telephone Exchange:

Sometimes it's a little hard to figure out how things work around here.   You learn things mostly through word of mouth, and constantly rely on others for even basic things.  Let's talk about how to get internet at the TIFR housing colony.  Early on, I heard that my colleagues have internet at their apartments.  With internet at home I could, for example, call my friends, colleagues, and family overseas in privacy.  It would be disruptive not to have it.

Word on the street was that I should get this through the "Telephone Exchange" in the TIFR building.  On September 1st, I told them I wanted internet at my apartment.  They trotted out a list for me to sign up on.  A couple weeks later I returned and asked how it was coming along.  I was told that there were about ten people ahead of me on the list, and that I may have to wait a month or maybe more.  There are evidently not enough connections for everyone.  A month later I returned, and was told that exact same thing.  Instead of being given a definite time, I was told again that I would "need to be patient".  Now, I had discussed this matter with others, and knew what my next step would be.  When I first got here, I was introduced to various people and told that I should ask certain of them for help if I "have any problems".   After my pathetic second visit to the Exchange, I solicited those people for help.  Within a week the Exchange promised to set me up with internet...as soon as they bought a new modem... Two more weeks later absolutely no progress was made on that.  So starting October 31, I decided to "Occupy the Telephone Exchange".

This meant that I was going to devote my life henceforth to getting internet from this place.  Armed with a notebook, a pencil, and my cellphone (to keep the time), I planned to stalk the Exchange until tangible progress was made.   While the guy was at breakfast I waited in a chair in his office.  Upon his return, I queried about exactly when the modem would be purchased and took notes on the steps involved.  I told him I'd return the next day.  I was so annoyed that I instead returned the same day after lunch (missing the colloquium) to camp out some more at the Exchange.  I jotted down the quote, "I have told him, but he has not yet delivered it. [the modem]".  The next day the modem had arrived, and on November 2, I had internet.  I called my folks on Skype that night.

All things considered, the Exchange didn't really lie to me, but they had strongly suggested that they were giving people connections in the order of the list.  Which is not true, obviously.  I know someone who has been waiting for like seven months on that list.  The process should be more transparent and professional.

Okay this was mostly a tirade; next time we'll discuss my biggest juggling show ever.